Day 1.
It's Friday and today I’m flying back to Vancouver. I'm at work right
now concentrating way too hard on averting my focus from what awaits me
at home: my mom, my dad, my two brothers, my boyfriend, my friends (the
ones who have yet to go back to school), my life up until two months ago.
I'm extremely anxious get back. And no matter how hard I try to pretend
like I'm okay here, the thought of home reminds me of all the reasons
I thoroughly miss Vancouver. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love everything
I'm doing here, I absolutely do. I love my job, the people I work with,
the people I've met, I love the heat, etc. I just don’t think that I was
completely prepared to fly south. It's really hard being, well, just 19,
and being on your own. When you're not ready to take that step, it's one
of the most frightening things to do because I didn't have a choice; I
HAD to move down. But I have to look at it in a constructive way, and
I think that's going to be the most effective and healthy way to look
at this trip home. Despite it's brevity, it will give me an opportunity
to say "see you soon" to my life in Vancouver. You see, I'm not able to
say goodbye. I never have been and I never will be. It's just too finite
for me, and it's not very copacetic to my personality. Going home will
be like finishing a book you couldn't put down the entire time while at
the same time you couldn’t wait to read the next book by the same author.
For now, to continue the analogy, I've finished the first book and I'm
onto the next. However, there is no doubt in my mind that I will be reading
that initial book over and over and over again.
________________________________________________________ Day
2.
So today, I'm officially 19, and, in Canada, I'm officially an adult-pretty
scary, I know. But today pretty much justifies the reason I came back
in the first place. This is actually a significant birthday, and I don't
think I could have gotten away with not coming home. I have to say I had
an absolutely beautiful day. My day began with a journey with my brother
to the Urban Fair.
The Urban Fair is a combination of a really eclectic healthy supermarket
and a sit-down cafe in one of the most newly developed and beautiful areas
of downtown Vancouver. Next was my big surprise, courtesy of my boyfriend.
The whole week I was racking my brains trying to figure out what he had
planned for the afternoon. But no matter how hard I tried to convince
him or how much I whined, he just would not tell me. And he kept our plans
very well hidden. After circling the neighborhood repeatedly, just to
make the suspense that much more unbearable, we finally arrived. He had
taken me to the annual Shakespeare Festival, which is called Bard on the
Beach, to see A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was absolutely wonderful and
very mind nourishing. Now as far as gifts on my birthday go, I'm a really
bad receiver. I'm much more grateful to give than to receive, which sounds
ironic. But it's hard for me to be the center of attention, which also
sounds ironic, considering the industry I’ve chosen to be a part of. But
I think that's the difference: When it's work, it's work; when it's personal,
it's personal. And I can definitely differentiate between the two. The
gifts that I did receive were all so unbelievably personal and so far
from being materialistic, which was wonderful because it just made for
such a beautiful day. But I think the most pertinent or at least the most
thought provoking gift I received was this article from a local Vancouver
magazine called Common Ground. The premise of the magazine is to promote
inner peace through holistic healing, meditation, homeopathy and reflection.
But instead of explaining what I gained from reading it, I think I’d like
to share it with anyone willing to gain from it as well. I can guarantee
that whether or not you believe in its philosophy, you will have something
to contemplate. Well, actually, I lied, I must say that what I learned
from it was that all interaction is a sharing of energy and that inevitably
we each gain something by sharing with others what we already possess.
Letting go of the past frees you from its negative effects. Most of us
do not live at all in the present. If we did, we would be happy. To live
in the future is to live in fear. To live in the past is to feel guilt,
bad, and unworthy. At least 98% of the pain you feel is old pain that
is triggered by something that is happening now. The old patterns of pain
are waiting to be unearthed and healed. To see someone in the present
moment is to see them as if you were meeting them for the first time.
It is to not hold the past against them. This allows you to see them in
a new light, and it allows them to show how they have
grown. Most of us are living with the past dictating what the present
is... our present is held hostage by our past. Only by leaving the past
behind do we have a chance of being happy. It is truly only the past we
are healing. It is truly only our "perception" of the past that calls
to be healed. Exercise: Today concentrate on seeing those you dislike
in a new light, and present. Even if you spend time with someone you dislike
today, let each moment go as it passes and see only the present. If you
cannot let this grievance go, ask yourself what you must have been feeling
to act in that fashion. Would you blame yourself for that behavior knowing
what feeling generated it?
Day 3.
The day itself was absolutely wonderful. It was raining, and I was in
complete bliss. That just sounds absurd, but honestly, I guess because
I've missed the Vancouver rains for so long, there was nothing better
than to feel, see and smell the rain falling. A true Vancouver day - very
nostalgic. The best part of the day was at night when a bunch of us went
to see a show at the local nightclub. The person performing was Rahzel,
and he is a member of The Roots. He is also renowned for his human beat-box
skills, and he is absolutely incredible. He can literally beat-box and
sing lyrics at the same time, and his skill is just remarkable. It was
a really, really cool show to go see, but I think he's the type of person
you have to experience for yourself in order to really appreciate his
talent. But it is definitely recommended.
Day 4.
I woke up too early this morning, and I am still seeing double from my
puffy tired eyes. I just really feel absolutely tragic and unhealthy from
being in that nightclub last night. I'm sure all you non-smokers will
agree with me that being in a confined area with people chain-smoking
around you is not the most pleasant feeling. But now I have a new week
ahead of me full of cleansing possibilities. When I got to the airport,
it was really difficult to say goodbye to my family. Despite the fact
that customs basically says you have to go to the point of no return as
soon as your bags are tagged, I hung around for a bit longer. I'm not
usually so defiant, but I just needed a little bit of extra time to figure
out what was happening inside. I figured this: I've got the most phenomenal
nucleus, if you will, in Vancouver, comprised of family, friends, and
a significant other. And their presence in my life is so essential. But
what I discovered is that their presence need not be manifested physically.
They inevitably are always going to be
present physically in my life, because I share such beautifully touching
and special things with each person. I also realized that I need to be
afraid to go back to Los Angeles, because right now I've got that same
nucleus forming there. And the common denominator everywhere is support.
Remember that analogy I made about the two books by the same author? Well,
the author, I guess is that support group of friends and family and my
boyfriend. And each book follows a different storyline - though all in
all books have a very congruent theme, and that is Carpe Diem, seizing
the day, living each day moment to moment and enjoying every minute of
it.
The Urban Fair is a combination of a really eclectic healthy supermarket
and a sit-down cafe in one of the most newly developed and beautiful areas
of downtown Vancouver. Next was my big surprise, courtesy of my boyfriend.
The whole week I was racking my brains trying to figure out what he had
planned for the afternoon. But no matter how hard I tried to convince
him or how much I whined, he just would not tell me. And he kept our plans
very well hidden. After circling the neighborhood repeatedly, just to
make the suspense that much more unbearable, we finally arrived. He had
taken me to the annual Shakespeare Festival, which is called Bard on the
Beach, to see A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was absolutely wonderful and
very mind nourishing. Now as far as gifts on my birthday go, I'm a really
bad receiver. I'm much more grateful to give than to receive, which sounds
ironic. But it's hard for me to be the center of attention, which also
sounds ironic, considering the industry I’ve chosen to be a part of. But
I think that's the difference: When it's work, it's work; when it's personal,
it's personal. And I can definitely differentiate between the two. The
gifts that I did receive were all so unbelievably personal and so far
from being materialistic, which was wonderful because it just made for
such a beautiful day. But I think the most pertinent or at least the most
thought provoking gift I received was this article from a local Vancouver
magazine called Common Ground. The premise of the magazine is to promote
inner peace through holistic healing, meditation, homeopathy and reflection.
But instead of explaining what I gained from reading it, I think I’d like
to share it with anyone willing to gain from it as well. I can guarantee
that whether or not you believe in its philosophy, you will have something
to contemplate. Well, actually, I lied, I must say that what I learned
from it was that all interaction is a sharing of energy and that inevitably
we each gain something by sharing with others what we already possess.
Letting go of the past frees you from its negative effects. Most of us
do not live at all in the present. If we did, we would be happy. To live
in the future is to live in fear. To live in the past is to feel guilt,
bad, and unworthy. At least 98% of the pain you feel is old pain that
is triggered by something that is happening now. The old patterns of pain
are waiting to be unearthed and healed. To see someone in the present
moment is to see them as if you were meeting them for the first time.
It is to not hold the past against them. This allows you to see them in
a new light, and it allows them to show how they 
have
grown. Most of us are living with the past dictating what the present
is... our present is held hostage by our past. Only by leaving the past
behind do we have a chance of being happy. It is truly only the past we
are healing. It is truly only our "perception" of the past that calls
to be healed. Exercise: Today concentrate on seeing those you dislike
in a new light, and present. Even if you spend time with someone you dislike
today, let each moment go as it passes and see only the present. If you
cannot let this grievance go, ask yourself what you must have been feeling
to act in that fashion. Would you blame yourself for that behavior knowing
what feeling generated it? 
present physically in my life, because I share such beautifully touching
and special things with each person. I also realized that I need to be
afraid to go back to Los Angeles, because right now I've got that same
nucleus forming there. And the common denominator everywhere is support.
Remember that analogy I made about the two books by the same author? Well,
the author, I guess is that support group of friends and family and my
boyfriend. And each book follows a different storyline - though all in
all books have a very congruent theme, and that is Carpe Diem, seizing
the day, living each day moment to moment and enjoying every minute of
it.